prayer to kindergartners.

today at school i sat in a chair during storytime and the children gathered at my feet. i felt content. i felt needed. i felt like mama bear reading to her bear cubs. i felt loving adoration oozing from the children. i was the queen of the pack tenderly watching out for the small ones that treasured and revered me.

then hanson, an exchange student from china, dropped the bomb. "it smell like wet sock."

interesting. i kept reading, enchanted with my ability to read the book upside down so all the children could see the pictures and my animated voices. then mason chimed in. "it smells like old sock."

nicole followed suit. "ewwwww old socks. old socks. we can't read anymore. it smells like old socks and im going to die."

that was it. my magical world was gone, destroyed by old socks. instead of listening to the soothing sound of my teacherly voice, they all were now enraptured with the old sock smell.

"wet sock wet sock wet sock wet sock wet sock wet sock!" hanson screamed, hitting himself in the head. "smell like wet sock bad bad bad bad!"

meanwhile, klayson had taken to sniffing everyone's socks one by one, in a twisted version of duck, duck, goose. "new sockkk, newwww sockkkk, new sockkkk........OLD SOCK! OLD SOCK! EVERYONE RUN!"

gwen began to cry, stuffing her fingers into her noise, while gavin lay face down on the carpet. apparently the smell had knocked him dead.

"GO TO YOUR SEATS!" I yelled. "There are no old socks!"

I was mad. it was like a terrorist attack was going on at the school. i investigated the scene of the crime, sniffing around, concluding there was no old sock smell and the entire thing was a stunt to get out of storytime.

fast forward seven hours. i came home, pulled my shoes off after a long day at work, and cuddled next to my husband. five minutes later he plugged his nose and explained, "It smells like old sock."