hallelujah for Love in all its shapes and sizes. especially for Love that comes in a 6'4'' variety.

so i recently decided to gain an eternal boy roommate and im feeling very stoked on the whole idea. he is very dope. he makes me giggle. he tells me im beautiful. but more important than any of the silly things like him massaging my feet and telling me i can do it and protecting my tender heart and letting me cry multiple times a day over silly things and not so silly things, he makes me good. it is amazing to me how the sun always comes out when you least expect it and how much you can love another person. it makes me believe in God. i dont know how that is correlated except for that sometimes when your soul feels like its ready to burst out of you and into someone else it makes you realize that something bigger than you exists. it makes you realize that you are not very important and that thinking about yourself all the time is boreeee-ing, because its much more fun to stop all that nonsense and care more about someone else than you do yourself. it makes you appreciate all of the rough roads and cloudy days and psychotic ex-boyfriends and tears that you cried and cancers that your family faced and months in the hospital and broken hearts because it was all worth it because it made you you, and if you weren't you you don't know if you could have found the kind of love that makes you forget about yourself and want to serve the whole entire world and love trees and God and the person next to you in the grocery store that would normally annoy you, but today you love because the world is so much happier when you are in love. and all of a sudden all those rough roads brought you to a sunny field with an incredible view, and it all makes a little more sense and the Future looks like something beautiful.

this whole engagement business has made me think real love, a little bit like an imperfect fragment of God's love for his little children, fills you with love for everyone. it makes the sky bluer and words sound more beautiful and your heart beat faster and you cry at songs like rascal flats broken road that normally just hurts your ears. but most of all i think it makes you good. gooder than you have ever been. it makes you want to help everyone feel a little bit of what you are feeling. it makes you want to pay for the man's taco bell behind you. it makes you want to sing. it makes you want to listen a little harder and try a little more and have a little more patience and give people a little bit of your happiness. it makes you forget that you spent your life feeling like a misfit and your own insecurities and the fact that a person hit your car and didn't stop. it makes you want to be a piece of happiness in the world. it makes you grateful for every hard thing and hard person and hard luck that has helped you to become more prepared to love. it makes you so grateful that you start wondering if its a little weird how grateful you are for cancer and broken hearts. it makes the world look a little softer.

im not saying love is perfect, or even close to perfect, or that my newly found happiness is long lasting and unbreakable. im just saying that right now i feel like loving the whole world a whole lot, and i know why. and i hope that if you have not yet had the opportunity to experience that joyful golden field called finding a teammate, you dont give up hope but keep on fighting, because i think that all of the rough roads will lead you there eventually. and even then i think the road will still be bumpy, but at least there will be someone else in your canoe holding your hand. and it will make the fighting oh so worth it because all of a sudden it will become easier to see everyone around you like God sees them. it will expand your heart. it will feel like home. so i dont even know what the moral of this is, except for that i believe in love and i believe in hard things and i believe in you and i believe in loving the man behind you in line at taco bell and i believe one day we will all find eternal roommates and feel like dancing a lot in public areas. and i hope one day you all find people that make you love the world a little more, because it feels like a little piece of greatness and makes you believe that there is some sort of order to this chaos called life, and that one day all the puzzle pieces will come together and the eiffel tower puzzle you've been working on for 8 months will look more magnificent than you've ever dreamed.