prayer to jackie wilson.

today i ran through the 600 degree humidity of washington dc. i listened to some kelly clarkson, some fergalicious, and some will smith, intermixed with some other delightful tunes. as i was finishing my run in a ridiculously sweaty state, i found a little gem on my friends ipod. jackie wilson--your love keeps lifting me higher. though usually nothing can make me run faster than sk8r boi and behind these hazel eyes, this tune elevated my pace to a sprint and i broke into spontaneous dance and pelvic thrusting. i ran with an enormous smile on my face. my bluebird was singing. my heart was rejoicing. i was a free bird in our nation's capital. i was being lifted to new heights. i was soaring above the rush hour traffic and the ambulance sirens in the distance. i decided this song is what love is. i decided this song is what love should make you feel.

i am queen of loving men that treat me bad. i am queen of loving men with mental derangement. i am queen of not liking nice boys, for absolutely no reason other than apparently i am just not that attracted to them. i am queen of never loving normal people. i am queen of analyzing texts, analyzing emails, analyzing men, dispensing advice on whether calling them is too forward, on trying to understand why i come home crying every other night, on justifying why its my fault the relationship isnt going well. but as i listened to this song, revelation came to my mind. love should make you feel good. thats the point. no one will ever understand you completely. no one will ever complete you, because you should be complete on your own. no one will ever change you into a new person or give you new talents or change who you are. but hopefully they will help you discover it. hopefully they will help you see the treasure you have within. hopefully their love will lift you higher. not drag you down.

perhaps to some of you it sounds rather ovbious. but to me, it wasnt always. i think im learning. i dont think love is all you need. i dont think relationships dont take hard work, flexibility and sacrifice. but i think if you are second guessing yourself, never sure of where the other person stands, if you are constantly analyzing what is going on in hopes of figuring it out, costantly justifying how the other person acts, then i think you should flee. flee like the wind. like a kid that has to pee. becuase love should lift you, should make you want to run down the streets of dc dancing like nobodys watching, should help you know yourself better and love others better, and i think its that simple. it is good. it is great. it is the foundation that glues us together as human beings, as people. kelly clarkson didnt get it right. jackie wilson did. in a song that repeats the same 2 lines over and over again, and keeps lifting me higher.